Monday, April 13, 2015

A New Chapter?

My son has been part of a Pragmatic Skills group through the University of Virginia Speech and Language Center on and off since he was seven or eight.  There were two years (6th and 7th grade) when they didn't offer services because he'd aged out, but this year a new program started and he was happy to return.  He's pretty sociable and gets a lot of feelings from success from that group so I was happy to see him return.  Two weeks ago the director called and told me that he'd completed everything they had to offer him so last week he said farewell.  I had mixed feelings.  Success and completion are wonderful, but I didn't know of any other services available for him, so I was concerned.  Lucky for me the director knew of a local counselor who's doing a group called "8-9th grade social skills and emotional awareness and regulation group", in which the counselor plays games with the kids to help them work through social situations.  I talked to him today and we're going to meet him tomorrow!  I'm so excited!  It may not be a good fit, but I'm hopeful considering that my son loves to play games and it sounds like the others in the group function much like he does.

Also, the mother of a friend my son met through the classes he does on Fridays mentioned that her son is struggling with the same feelings of alienation and loneliness so we're in the beginning phases of possibly starting some kind of social group for kids on the Spectrum in Meetup-style.  I think that's sorely needed but I worry that I won't be qualified to deal with the situations that arise.  I figure we'll give it a try in the hopes that our kids will make some friends and feel less alone, and if it doesn't work out then we can at least say we tried.  I know there are other kids like ours in the area, the question is will getting them together lead to them forming bonds of friendship?  There's only one way to find out.

After attending the VAHomeschoolers Conference & Resource Fair I've changed tactics with our homeschooling.  It's time for him to take more responsibility so I'm gently reminding him what he should be doing, but I'm no longer in the role of headmistress.  I remind him that if he doesn't complete the necessary work he'll be put on homeschooling probation and I lay out where he needs to be with his work, but beyond that it's up to him.  It's really difficult, I worry that he won't do the work and the worst will happen, but I can't continue to argue and fight with him every day.  I told him that I'm no longer the bad guy and he's no longer able to blame me for how hard his life is. :)  I wouldn't say he's fully on board, but it's made life much more pleasant day-to-day and I see him thinking about the future in a much longer time frame than he was before, when it was easy for him to focus on one day, one lesson, one hour, and how I was the focal point of his misery.

The lull in drama with the group of mostly girls ended, sadly.  It turns out one of the girls wasn't able to attend at the beginning of the year and she was the source of a lot of the bossy behavior, but she's now returned so things are back to being difficult.  I talked my son into calling the lady who leads that group and they discussed options, which was wonderful, she's a caring and supportive person who puts a lot of heart into giving the kids opportunities for growth and curiosity.  Last week he didn't have to deal with the issue because of our astronomy field trip to the McCormick Observatory, which was a huge hit (Professor Ed Murphy is a veritable font of information and the kids loved him!), and this week there's a field trip to the Nanostar Lab, so we have a couple of weeks to do some research on group dynamics so he can discuss the issue of not feeling heard with everyone and offer suggestions on how to improve the situation.  He's reluctant to tackle the issue, but I'm hopeful that he'll learn an important lesson about working within group dynamics.

We fell off the wagon with the workbook, but I'm hopeful that we'll get back to it.  There's been a lot of change in our lives in the last few months, to both my job and my husband's, not to mention trying to see my granddaughter every other weekend, so I'm trying to be gentle with myself about the things that fall through the cracks.  I know that I'm doing the best that I can and keep trying to improve and get more organized, which is a HUGE challenge for me!  My natural inclination is much more toward chaos, which is exactly the opposite of what a young man on the Autism Spectrum needs.